Not My Ability

As I've began the journey through Southgate interns over the past few weeks, I've learned that I'm still learning. I've been spending lots of time manning the phones at the church which has led to more than a few wrong buttons being pressed and dropped calls.I was also asked to watch some kids during a special volunteer appreciation dinner at the church last weekend. Even though everyone said I did a really good job, I felt a little foolish as I did all these new tasks. I often feel like there is someone out there who could do a better job.

Many people in the Bible felt that way too. One of them was Moses. Before he led the children of Israel out of Egypt he encountered God in a burning bush.God lays out for Moses exactly what he is to say to them.

God said to Moses, “I Am who I Am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I Am has sent me to you.’”
(Exodus 3:14, NIV)

God also gave Moses exact instructions on what he should do. The fact that God had this all planned out should have been enough for Moses but it wasn't as we see in chapter 4. Even though Moses is conversing with the  Almighty God, who knows the end from the beginning, he still can't help but focus on his inadequacy.

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

(Exodus 4:10-12, NIV)

The Lord wanted Moses to rely on Him to free the Israelites, but Moses wasn't ready to look beyond himself. He asked God to send someone else, which is what I have felt like doing a few times lately. God decided to send Aaron to speak for Moses. I am determined to continue in the place God has called me to no matter how inadequate I feel. God will show His strength through me as I continue on.

I read a quote by Corrie ten Boom once that sums this up perfectly.

 “It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts.” Corrie ten Boom

She was an old maid thrust into a situation that she was completely inadequate for. She and her family worked to hide Jewish refugees in their home during World War II. They were all arrested and suffered the horrors of imprisonment in a concentration camp. Even through all of this, Corrie depended on the Lord to bring light into the darkness.

I may not be perfect at doing what I've been called to do but that is the point. God's perfect through me and that is all I need to know as I face new challenges every day

 (Note: I highly recommend Corrie ten Boom's autobiography the Hiding Place! If you haven't already read it, get a copy. Her story of courage and perseverance is a good read for anyone who feels inadequate to accomplish God's call on their life.)

Father to Daughter

As God's daughter,

Do I curtsy, bow or cower

He made the first light shine

Decided the depths of the sea

Put every leaf on every tree,

Yet He created me!

With courage,

I look into His eyes,

All I see

In those eyes that have seen all of time

Is the love

That compelled Him,

My Father

To send His Son

I know I can draw close

I have many questions to ask

Fears and worries must be surrendered

For now, though,

All I do

Is take two bold steps forward

Bask in His light

And stay focused

On His eternal eyes

A New Adventure

Today I started Southgate Interns! I can't believe it's finally here! God is going to do some amazing things. As I look back, I can clearly see how God lead me here.

When I enrolled in the Journalism program at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in the fall of 2012, I thought I knew where I was supposed to be.I love writing and I thought this would be a natural fit for me. I did fairly well in my first two semesters, but when I tried to take some courses the next summer, I lost all motivation. I did very poorly in those classes, including one class that I should've excelled in. I decided to continue on, resolving to do better. I made it through my second fall semester, although I continued to have very little motivation. Then just this past spring I finally gave up.

I was taking three classes at the time and the work was piling up. To make a long story short, I broke down down emotionally. I had struggled with intense depression in the past, and it was now rearing its ugly head again. I realized that I was not meant to be in journalism because all the bad news in the world was overwhelming. I finished up my classes as best I could, knowing I wouldn't be coming back in the fall.

The Lord showed me the truth found in Isaiah 55:9

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." (NIV)
God knew he didn't want me in journalism, but I had to come to the end of myself before He could make that clear to me. Then He allowed the dream of doing interns to resurface and made it possible for me to apply and begin this adventure. God knows best how I'm going to use my gifts and talents to serve Him. That's true for everyone. He has great plans for all of us if we'll let Him lead! Let the Lord take you on a new adventure! It will be difficult, maybe even scary, but it's worth it!

The Ultimate Treasure

Lately I have found myself wanting to experience more of God. I want to see more of His glory and majesty. When Jesus said He came to give us "life and life abundantly" (John 10:10), I know He meant that we could have communion with Him. I long for an encounter with Him that goes beyond head knowledge and surpasses my feelings. I want Him to touch me at the core of my being. As I write this, verses are coming to mind about the importance of a pure heart.

"Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God."

(Jesus, Matthew 5:8, NIV)

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?

 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,

    who does not trust in an idol

    or swear by a false god.

(Psalm 24:3-4, NIV)

I want to know God in a deeper way. I guess the best way to do that is to ask Him to purge my heart of everything that displeases Him. He knows me better than I know myself. He will reveal Himself to me as I continue to seek Him. Jesus died so I could be close to the Father through the Holy Spirit. I would hate to get to the end of my life and realize that I squandered the opportunity to know Almighty God intimately! The Apostle Paul treasured his relationship with Jesus above all else.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ

(Philippians 3:7-8, NIV)

Everything in this world will fade away. I want to know God intimately now so that worshiping Him in eternity will merely be a continuation of my earthly worship. I know that is the most worthwhile goal I could ever have!