Surrender Fear

It's Christmas time. I love Christmas, but with Christmas comes the realization that the year is drawing to a close.I have been thinking a lot about what I have done and what I haven't done this year. I've been unsure of my future ever since I finished Southgate interns in May. I've been scared that I won't be able to rise above challenges and handle the pressures of life.

I was listening to Christmas music just now when O Little Town of Bethlehem came on. One line struck me about Jesus:

The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight

I'm struck by the strength of Mary. When the angel Gabriel came to her and told her she would give birth to Jesus by the Holy Spirit she must have been confused and scared. Why would God choose her an unmarried virgin to bring Jesus to the world? Even so she responded in obedience. Joseph stayed committed to her even though he was probably scared of what other people thought. His reputation didn't matter as much as obeying God.  As the couple journeyed to Bethlehem. It must've been terrifying. They didn't know what was ahead but they trusted God. He helped them find shelter where there was none. He protected Jesus from Herod in his raging jealousy.

God will use me and accomplish His purposes even in my fear. All I need to do is surrender and let Him do His work

Embracing a Delay

I really don’t like waiting for HandyDart. This past Wednesday was no exception. I had been given a 6:15-6:45 window to get to a bible study by 7:30. Then I was told the ride was going to be fifteen minutes late. Even though another bus showed up within the window to drop someone off, they wouldn’t pick me up. I began feeling really sorry for myself. I was waiting outside and it was getting cold.  I was supposed to get to the bible study early for dinner so I hadn’t eaten yet. I wanted to be able to get in a car and leave. I knew that HandyDart was deciding when I would leave the study too. The distance was too far for me to take a cab home. I wanted control over all these things like any other twenty something living in her first apartment.

I asked God when this would change. When would I be healed and have true independence? Then I thought about how the driver would feel if I brought this attitude onto the bus. They don’t choose their routes. The dispatcher tells them where to go and they go there. I didn’t want to say something I would regret later. But I was too frustrated to think differently. So I asked God to help me change my attitude and my thought pattern. I began feeling thankful that I had a ride to the Bible study even though it was late. I decided to make the best of the situation.

With God’s help I joked around with the driver and had a wonderful conversation with an older lady on the bus. The driver had picked her up from White Rock, that was the reason for the late arrival. This fellow passenger is also a Christian and we had a great conversation about our shared faith. She admired my joy and I enjoyed hearing about some of her experiences as a Christian. I got to the Bible study in good time and as I exited the bus I told this woman that I hoped I would see her again. We ended up sharing a bus ride home and continuing our conversation, which turned to our personal journeys to faith in Christ. I would have missed out on both conversations if I had stayed bitter about the late ride. I’m glad I decided to ask God to help me change my attitude and purify my thoughts. I would’ve missed out on a new friend otherwise.

Life is never completely fair. But I’m going to spend more time thinking about things that will point me to Jesus. He is always ready to change my perspective.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Philippians 4:8, ESV

Not Every Season Ends

I don’t like change. Lately, changes have been happening very quickly. One sister just moved back home and another sister is taking her room in my apartment. I have just adjusted to a new personal care team and that team will change again in the next few weeks. And the list goes on. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a rushing river and just when I’ve grabbed something to hold onto the current carries me away again.

I know God never changes. I need to hold on to Him and not my circumstances if I’m going to experience any stability in life. I wish some seasons were a little longer than others. No matter how long a season is, whether in nature or in life, change is inevitable and unsettling. Every season must end to make way for new growth and new life. I knew all this but that hasn’t made it much easier to deal with all these changes. But then last night before I fell asleep God showed me something.

There is one season that will never end and that is eternity.

Nothing in this life will be here forever, not even life itself. My house, my possessions, my health everything passes away. My only hope is in God and the eternal life he has for me. I will give my whole life to sharing this hope with others, no matter what other changes come my way. God uses these changes to refine me, build my character and help me depend on Him. He does all of this because He has eternity in mind.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:1-5, NIV

Am I Ashamed?

I'm taking New Testament Survey online this semester. I learned something very interesting this week. 1/4 of Matthew and Luke, 1/3 of Mark and 1/2 of John are devoted to the last week of Jesus' life. Everything from His triumphal entry into Jerusalem to His brutal death to His resurrection was exhaustively recorded by the gospel writers. They each wrote to a different audience, but they knew without a doubt that everyone reading these accounts needed the Good News.

Do we treat the Gospel that way?

2,000 years later, we in North America have these accounts in their entirety, in multiple translations and formats. I know that even with all these resources, I find it scary to share the Gospel with the same urgency and passion these writers had. I long to have the attitude expressed by Paul in Romans 1:16:

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile." (NIV)

The Church should be solely focused on spreading the Good News and making disciples. That's why we're here. Whatever happens lets make this our primary goal. It's God's heart that everyone come to Him- through the Church

New Posting Day

I realize I didn't post yesterday as I normally do on Wednesdays. I've come to the conclusion that with my class schedule and overall commitment to Southgate Interns, it would be best for me to post weekly on Saturdays from now on. I'm also going to be thinking and praying about where to take this blog in the coming weeks and months. I know there are great days ahead as I keep writing.

Journeys and Stumbles

Is it better to move in darkness
Just to move?
Or must there be light?

That's what she asked as she crept along the wall
Looking for the door

Once she grasped the latch,
The door gave way

Shadows of a garden
Were illuminated by the moon and stars
Enough to head towards the sunrise

You Always Knew...

With relief I saw
A chance to reach the mountain
Since then I've been running

Wherever I have been.before
All I've seen is the endless plain
Now I know

Now there is something
On the horizon

How do tired feet feel
Standing firm just below the sky
As tired eyes
Behold an endless view?

Soon I will know...

A Dog's Prayer

I pray that I will always have

A home filled with people

And no pesky cats

I pray  for little balls and toys,

And to bring joy to girls and boys

I pray that I will be with people

Who won’t give me a bath,

I pray that I will always have

A nice comfortable couch

Where I can relax

And nibble on my snacks

I pray that dogs will always rule,

And cats will be nature’s fools

I pray that I will always run and play

And get a tummy rub at the end of every day

Slow January Days

January moves so slow! Every year it seems like December is gone in the blink of an eye, then January moves at a snail's pace before the year picks up speed in February.I was glad when my church did and an extended time of prayer for 10 nights at the beginning of January. It gave me a chance to refocus my attention on God as the new year started. But since that ended, I find I simply want life to speed up. I want my classes to start.I know that God has things to teach me in those and I am excited for them. I also know that God has taught me things in this waiting time. I'm learning how to serve as best I can wherever I can. It is important to challenge myself to learn a new skill and give grace to myself when I mess up. There are many unexciting moments in life, even in the life of the church, but they are all important. These are constant reminders I have to give myself on particularly slow January days. This verse often helps me remember.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17, NIV

God cares about the unexciting moments in my life just as much as the exciting ones. I am learning through trial and error to be thankful for both. Right before this verse Paul discusses the importance of corporate teaching of the word and worship to God. That's quite easy to do for his glory, unlike the mundane tasks of slow January days. Regardless of the ease, the glory should always go to God. He is always good

Redirected

In the woods beauty abounds

But your voice is muffled by the wind in the trees

Roots are under my feet

the growth has done away with any path

I stumble out of the woods to the road
The light is better
The mountain ahead may be steep,
But I can hear you now
Urging me on,
Every step

The Door Opened

Well, here it is, the first post of 2015.This blog actually made it to a new  year without me missing a week! As of today there are exactly 4 months left until this blog has been updated for a year on this weekly schedule. That gets me excited!

2015 has quickly turned into a year of wide-open opportunities for me. I found out that thanks to two very generous anonymous donations my tuition for my church internship is pretty much paid for. Considering that a week ago I still wasn't sure how this would happen, it's taken me a bit of time to get used to it. I am eternally grateful for the help. I'm not sure if anyone involved in these donations will read this, but if you're out there, thank you so much! I really wanted to take the online Bible classes this semester and these donations have made that possible.

Sometimes as I have been waiting for God to provide the funds I needed, I've caught myself wondering why I didn't just stay in university. I mean, sure I didn't want to stay in journalism but changing my major would've been less complicated and less financially demanding in the short term than trying to make plans to do courses from the US. I could've switched programs and continued on student loans. Instead I decided to follow God's leading and take these Bible classes with no loan options. I really did wonder if it was going to happen. The payment deadline got really close as 2014 wrapped up and I was wondering if I would miss out. I knew in my head that God was my provider. I even wrote about it on this blog. I'd heard stories of last-minute provision but I didn't see that happening for me. I felt like I should've done more work to raise money by now. Sure, this whole train of thought sounds foolish looking back, but at the time, it was all that made sense.I failed to remember what Jesus said about the Father who gives to His children.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

(Matthew 7:7-11, NIV)

I was so concerned about preparing myself for a very possible disappointment that I forgot that this was God's dream for me before it was mine. Only a cruel father tells a child to look forward to something with the intention of keeping it just out of their reach. Got knew what He was doing when He told me to sign up for this interns program. He also knew just the right moment to show me that the door was wide open.

When I was at university I did things my way, the way of worldly success. I wouldn't have told you that at the time, no way! I would've said that God would use my journalism skills once I had the degree. But that rationalization was merely me making my own plans sound like God's. He really didn't have any input. Once I failed enough at my plan to turn to Him, God let me see where I was really supposed to go. Why didn't I trust him to see it through? I can attribute that to downcast human vision. Thankfully the Father lifted my eyes up just in time for me to see his gracious gift. His love and provision are not  dependent on us trusting Him first. If that were the case, then it wouldn't have been possible for Jesus to come  and save a world of sinners. Of course He is pleased when I recognize and thank Him for His love, naturally, But no matter what  there is enough grace for my doubts. In the future, I will remember how God cared for my needs and move forward with greater faith. Start 2015 with the resolve to do the same.