The Deer

I look up from the field

And see a deer on the hillside

It leaps up to a higher rock

I run across the field

The deer looks at me

Mocking me

I find new strength

And reach the top of the hill

I see the endless sky

And the green velvet hills

Just as the deer limps up behind me

Will God Really Provide?

There are times when I see very clearly the areas of my life in which my faith is underdeveloped. Lately I have seen that to be true in relation to my finances.

I have just applied to do an interns program at my church this fall. I’ve been planning on this for months, but I just submitted a formal application yesterday. The program consists of nine months of online Bible classes that I will take with a group of other interns and continual service and discipleship within the church every week. It is an incredible opportunity to grow in my faith and become more involved in the life of the church I grew up attending. However as with other similar programs there is a cost. It is going to cost me $4,500 to complete the program. Right now I have a disability check coming in every month. It stretches pretty far already for how small it is. Therefore, even though I’ve done a little bit of fundraising in the past few months, I still don’t know where the money will come from.

This is a new test of faith for me. I have spent years believing for physical healing and have grown in my knowledge of the Bible and how Jesus wants me to live for Him. I have even had first-hand experience with being on the front lines of the spiritual battle within my soul. However, even though I was taught the importance of tithing from a young age, and my family has experienced financial provision, this is the first time I’ve had to believe that God is going to provide for me specifically. The provisions God has given to my family in the past have come because of my parents faith for their finances. Now I need vibrant faith of my own in this area and the journey hasn’t been easy.

I wonder if this is how the disciples felt when Jesus was about to feed over 5000 people in John chapter 6. They had seen Jesus heal and teach, but they hadn't yet seen Him provide food for this many people.The beginning of the story is very telling.

Then Jesus lifted up His eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” But this He said to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do. 

Philip answered Him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.”
(John 6:5-7, NKJV)

Jesus already knew that He was going to multiply five loaves and two fishes that a little boy brought and feed 5000 men plus their women and children. He knew that there were going to be twelve baskets of leftovers when all was said and done. He didn’t reveal this to Philip. Instead, He tested his faith to see how he would respond. I find this interesting in relation to my own situation. Jesus has not revealed to me how the money will be provided for this next season in my life. But this passage makes clear that He already knows where it’s coming from! Just as He knew then that each person would be satisfied that day, He knows how my needs will be met. That’s the reason why worrying about tomorrow is pointless. There is no way I can know what will happen tomorrow. I can trust that Jesus not only knows what my tomorrow will bring, He knows the end from the beginning!

I have two choices. I can either give God every logical reason why I will never have the money for interns, or I can trust that He has the “riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:19, NIV) at His disposal to provide for my every financial need. I choose to trust God!

After The Point of No Return

Tonight I was at a prayer meeting at my church. There are many people in my church who need physical healing and we were lifting up those needs in prayer. I received prayer for healing of my cerebral palsy. I felt prompted to share a word of encouragement with everyone there. I had already been given this word earlier today by the Holy Spirit. He wanted me to share it with a family in the church dealing with a cancer diagnosis. I intended to send it to them in a message. Then I saw them at the church and thought I would share it quietly  after the meeting. Both of those plans were ignored by the Lord and the next thing I knew I had the microphone! I feel like God has asked me to share the same word here, both as a way to keep a record of it and so that He can use it to encourage more people.

The Scripture passage I read from is John 11. It's the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. I began reading in verse 1.

Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.”

When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” (John 11, 

This is an amazing answer! Lazarus is dying and Jesus states in defiance to death that the battle is not over. Jesus knew that He would have victory over death, not only for Lazarus but for all of us who call him Savior and Lord!

The people closest to Lazarus couldn't see this however. That is why four days after Lazarus dies and Jesus finally shows up they have given up all hope. This is often when God's power is most evident and beautiful. Man gives up and God takes over and accomplishes His miraculous plan. For Lazarus the miracle happened this way:

Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” 

 Martha, the sister of him who was dead, said to Him, “Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he has been dead four days.”

Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?” 41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. And I know that You always hear Me, but because of the people who are standing by I said this,that they may believe that You sent Me.” Now when He had said these things, He cried with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth!” And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Loose him, and let him go.”

Jesus is able to go beyond what we think is possible! Death does not have the final word. Jesus commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb. We need to declare the Word of God into hopeless situations. Jesus wants to intervene on our behalf. We need to let Him be glorified!

One Day at a Time

I am a compulsive worrier. There have been a lot of uncertainties in my life in the last few months. It is hard for me not to take control by worrying. For me, it's like having a tug of war with God. Even though I know He has full control in my world, I love to try and wrestle control from Him by worrying. Many verses in the Bible talk about worrying. One of my favorites is Matthew 6:34 Jesus is talking and He says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (NIV)

Earlier in that chapter Jesus teaches us to pray: "Give us today our daily bread." (Matthew 6:11, NIV). Even though I get stressed out about little things I have no control over I need to trust that God has eternity all figured out. I in my humanity can't possibly fathom eternity. I need to do and live in what Philippians 4:6-7 say:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

If I can pray and trust instead of worrying I will become close to God. Following Him one day at a time will matter in eternity